Riverview Coffee Parlor - Norfolk, Va

Well today's review is on Riverview Coffee Parlor,about 15min down the street from my place in Norfolk. I've actually tried a few times to get in here for a review but it seems every single time I try, it's closed. This place has crazy hours, Mon-Fri 800am-5pm and Sat 900am-2pm. Closed Sundays.

When I first walked in, I was caught off guard by the quiet. The music they play is so low it's practically inaudible. But right off the bat, I saw this place was very unique. From the church pew being used as seating, to the mis-matched tables and paisy couches (hello Martha Stewart early 1990), this place is anything but boring. There is 2 separate bookshelves filled with various used books, and magazines organized thoughtfully throughout the dining area. Huge chalkboards display drinks, various syrups and specials. Also, it's hand written, not anything made to LOOK like a quaint coffee shop chalkboard. I was greeted when I walked in the door and again when I got to the counter. The owner (who was working as a barista at the time) apologized for the wait, even though it consisted of about 60 seconds. I asked if they had soy (I know almost all coffee shops do but I like to ask just to be sure) which they did so I proceeded to order my drink. And this began what was to become one of the oddest exchanges I have ever had about coffee...

When i asked for a iced soy mocha I was attacked mid sentence by an explanation of the word "mocha". Because according to my barista "it is NOT chocolate but a coffee bean that doesn't taste anything like chocolate and you must be confused by ordering this. Did you mean an iced latte?"
"Sure", I replied, "if you can put chocolate in it." I don't like to throw around the fact that when i come into a coffee shop I am NOT just some Starbucked brainwashed moron. While I don't regularly pat myself on the back, I am almost positive that I know more about coffee than most baristas, and I knew that she was wrong. I just didn't want to correct her, too much trouble.

** Before I go on I should talk for a second about this "mocha" mixup. First off Mocha IS a coffee bean. It originated from Mocha, Yemen. But the bean DOES taste chocolatey which is why it was adopted as the title for an espresso based chocolate drink. Now if I wasn't in the U.S, and I was in Europe and I saddled up to my nearest cafe and ordered a mocha, it might mean something different. Because again, that coffee bean is still named the Mocha bean. I might order a mocha and get a coffee, made with that bean. But HEY HEY, it would taste chocolatey!! Also, last time I checked I was in the U.S. So there***

She even made the mistake to ask me if I was sure I was ordering an espresso drink. She felt the need to remind me that lattes DO in fact, HAVE espresso and was I sure I wanted that? I stopped trying to pretend I was nice and just started openly throwing her my best 'fuck you" look. I ordered my iced latte with chocolate (which again, to NORMAL people would be commonly referred to as an iced MOCHA) and marshmallow flavoring. What I got was an iced latte with marshmallow, no chocolate (after ALL THAT, I didn't even get my chocolate!!!!), and then I got to pay $7 for it. I can honestly say i have NEVER paid so much for a espresso drink. Even when I ask for extra shots. Even when I went to a coffee shop in NEW YORK CITY. I just stared blankly and forked over the money, feeling violated and abused. I know I could have said something to her about the chocolate, like why, after all of that commotion could you possibly NOT remember to put it in my drink? But I was afraid she didn't charge me for it and I was already paying over $7 and I didn't want to pay any more. Though I didn't tip like I normally do, mostly because she pissed me off by talking down to me.

I took a seat at a table that kind of looks like a table my grandma has (complete with a lack of comfort) and opened my laptop to do this blog. Only to find out this place has no wifi. So I get to pay $7 for my drink, have a belittling exchange with the owner and then there is no wifi? What coffee shop has no wifi? Even MY job has wifi and it's a kiosk!

But my coffee DOES taste good. It has too much ice and did I mention it is TOTALLY overpriced??!!! But good all the same.

They have creative drinks here like the ginger snap (espresso and chai), chocolate chai (self explanatory) and a HUGE of syrups (Grape anyone??). They also have lunches and homemade limeade and lemonade which i will have to try next time. I see that it's within my price range and I won't be going broke ordering it (unlike my latte!!!). They get their coffee from Williamsburg Coffee and Tea, so they're buying local and fresh coffee. The only thing is this company makes flavored coffee, and that tends to draw me away from companies like that. Because flavored coffee is just a bastardization of coffee, the cheapest shittiest beans covered in flavor and artificial crap. But other than that I see good reviews of this company and my drink was good so I won't get too high on my horse.

All in all it's about the coffee and my drink was good. The atmosphere is different, everything looks like it was hand picked with care and the owner calls all the customers by their names as they walk in. So there is something to say about owners who are so hands on they know many of their customers on that level. I am still suffering from the fact I have to write all of this on a text editor and plug it into my blog later. But then again, the lack of technology here is not much of a surprise. Everything here, all the way from the owner to the furniture is old fashioned, not at all hip or "with it". This isn't the place that is ever going to be trendy or cool. I don't see a huge younger crowd coming here either. And I'll be honest I probably won't be coming back, other than to maybe try the lemonade. But I am glad I came, it's definitely a little jewel thats tucked away from the rest of the world...in more ways than one.


* Pics to come tomorrow